Let My Legacy Be Love

About Let My Legacy Be Love

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So far Let My Legacy Be Love has created 31 blog entries.

The Best Place to Start is at the Beginning

I shouldn’t have been surprised when I opened Word, typed “story” into the thesaurus. The first synonym listed is “lie.” And then, of course, there are all the degrees of “lie” including fib, untruth, falsehood, whopper and more. Hmmm…interesting.

This morning I woke up thinking about the power of story which is what prompted me to open my laptop only minutes after putting my feet on the floor. If you’ve been following my blog with any regularity, you know my purpose is to help others release themselves from the bondage that stories can have on us.

Stories can be insidious—the effects of which cause the voice in the back of our heads that reminds us that we’re not good enough, not attractive enough, not smart enough to do the things we want to do, not deserving of the life we desire. The incredible thing is that a good portion of us are oblivious to the fact that the little voice is caused by the shadowy remnants of experiences from our past.

If you’ve read my story in, Let My Legacy Be Love, A Story of Discovery and Transformation: Tracing Adult Issues to Childhood Hurts, you know that I traced many of my stories back to adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). And you would also already know that the same is true for so many of us—nearly 70% of the population according to researchers who conducted the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study (ACE Study).  And like me, most people are oblivious to the chains in which they have wrapped themselves. So often when I’m talking with a friend, family member, or co-worker, I am reminded of the Marley Brothers in A Christmas Carol jangling the chains they forged during their lives. Those stories can not […]

By |January 11th, 2019|Blog|

Healing With The Help of Another

“Are you sure you’re being honest with yourself?” Carlene’s eyes were kind but intent. “It’s never made sense to me why you married Gabriel. You saw the red flags, right?”

After some thought, I answered honestly. “Sure, I did. But he was kind to me. I was sure he loved me.” She pressed. “Maybe you need to look a little deeper. There’s got to be something you’re not seeing.”

I think this is true of most of us. We’re so busy with our lives and responsibilities that we take only a cursory look at the things that hurt, bother, or infuriate us. Why? Well, generally I believe it’s because we become emotional in the moment, and when our emotions get involved, our brains aren’t asking questions. The result is that we don’t dig down to examine why we feel the way we do. And besides, it can be scary digging into those dark places. Or is it? Stick with me as I explain.

If you’ve been following my blog with any regularity or have read my book, Let My Legacy Be Love, A Story of Discovery and Transformation: Tracing Adult Issues to Childhood Hurts, you know that I uncovered the source of my adult challenges in incidents from my childhood. Up until then, I had been blind to the results of the insidious words, thoughts, and feelings that were holding me as an oblivious prisoner. I was ignorant of the fact that adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) were the culprits for my bad body image, difficulties with close relationships, my mystery illness, and more. You also know that it wasn’t until my very close and […]

By |January 4th, 2019|Blog|

What Do Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Have to Do With You?

ACE

ACEs may have everything to do with you and the life you are leading right now. You see, when you were a child, your brain was like a sponge taking in the world around you. Its function was to help you learn the language, the cultural and social norms, as well as your place in the family and society. Your parents, teachers, priests, ministers, police officers, dentists, doctors, nurses and every adult you came in contact with left an impression. The exchanges may have been positive, or they may have been more difficult.  Those that were difficult or scary or heartbreaking may have left you with questions and in some cases maybe even residual fear. It’s possible that the resulting emotions are affecting the way you live right now—many years later. Let me explain.

The other day in an interview,  a journalist asked me how it was possible I had been unaware of how ACEs had continued to play a role in my adult life. I can honestly say that I had no idea. I was aware that I had some challenges, and I did counseling around my “not good enough” issue. But it wasn’t until I started writing Let My Legacy Be Love, A Story of Discovery and Transformation: TracingAdult Issues to Childhood Hurts, that I understood and was able to come to terms with the root of my challenges.

Exploring the personal stories that I’ve included in the book was an incredible journey. For instance, there is one story where I tell my uncle that my mother wouldn’t be bringing me to my first day of kindergarten because she didn’t like me. In my adult life, the […]

By |December 14th, 2018|Blog|

Inspiration!

While I sipped my coffee this morning, I picked up a book I had been reading last night. Instead of starting where I left off, though, I felt compelled to open the book to a different place. As my eyes scanned the words in front of me, I felt a sudden surge of excitement, and my heart raced a bit. Written on the page in front of me was the British tale of the orange-throated, blue swallow—the same bird that graces the cover of Let My Legacy Be Love, A Story of Discovery and Transformation: Tracing Adult Issues to Childhood Hurts.

Many people have asked me why I decided on the swallow as a cover photo for this memoir/self-help hybrid. My answer has been that as a kid, I loved the swallows that sang on the wire outside my bedroom window, and to this day I still love how they swoop down and then soar up and away. It feels magical. But this morning I learned that the blue swallow with the orange throat and smoky wings is associated with transformation and the changing of seasons. How wonderful, especially since my inspiration for this book is to help others by sharing my stories of self-discovery and transformation. What an incredible parallel that bird turned out to be!

So, here’s how everything went down. In 2007, I suffered a life-changing heartbreak. As hard as that period was, I decided that I would not let it destroy me. Instead, I would open myself to the experience and let it be my teacher. I have to admit it wasn’t easy. To work through my rollercoaster-like emotions, I began journaling and writing stories about the events as they were happening. I noted even the smallest […]

By |December 7th, 2018|Blog|

Who Am I? Who Are You?

Who am I? I needed to write a bio for the publisher, and for some reason, I couldn’t figure out where to start. I’ve done all kinds of exciting things including traveling across the country more times than I can count and having work opportunities that allowed me to explore South America and Europe. I’ve founded two small businesses and have met fascinating people from all walks of life who have touched me in some profound ways. But as exciting as all of that may be, these are only my experiences—the experiences are not me.

As I stared at the blank page in front of me, I thought, Who am I at this moment?  It seemed a more manageable question, and with that, I began to write. I am a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and a sister. I am a singer, a songwriter, an entrepreneur, a friend, a lover of people, animals, and nature. Plus, I love learning. I also have been a passionate writer since I was a kid, and it is that love that led me to author Let My Legacy Be Love, A Story of Discovery and Transformation: Tracing Adult Issues to Childhood Hurts. It is not the book I intended to write, but it is the book I wrote.

Some may call me a nerd since two of my favorite things to do are to think and to analyze. As an example, when I was a kid, I became fascinated by the idea of the formation of a pearl. My grandmother told me that the pearl is created by a grain of sand that has found its way into the shell of an oyster thereby causing irritation. I remember her explaining that to lessen the annoyance, […]

By |November 29th, 2018|Blog|

Are You Open To Discovery?

 

The wind ruffled my hair as I stood smiling at the passersby. The street was busy, and I was excited to be there signing my newly published book Let My Legacy Be Love, A Story of Discovery and Transformation: Tracing Adult Issues to Childhood Hurts. As I chatted with an old friend who happened by, a woman hurried toward my table from the side street with a serious expression.

“I need your book,” she said, her intent eyes now scanning the back cover. She glanced up and smiled, explaining, “I looked it up on line and I think it will help my family.”

Our conversation continued as she shared her story and her belief that a large part of our population is walking around completely unaware that the fears they struggle with are in large part because of wounds they sustained as children. “People don’t understand that they need to face those hurts. Once they do that, I believe they can change their lives,” she said.

So, how do you know where to begin to face the things in your life that upset you or cause you pain? Are you challenged by close, personal relationships? Maybe you don’t feel you deserve any better than what you’ve got? Maybe you even feel like you are everyone’s doormat, but you can’t seem to figure out how to break out of your pattern? As my friend Marcia said recently, “It doesn’t matter where you are on the spectrum. Every one of us has something to heal.”

How do you get started? Since I am not a professional psychologist or counselor, I can only speak from personal experience. For me, my life was turned upside down when my second husband left. Of course, I wanted to blame him, […]

By |November 19th, 2018|Blog|

Personal Power—Do You Have It?

“I feel stuck—like I’m everyone’s doormat. A good portion of the time, it seems as though no one hears or sees me. Even my own family doesn’t seem to know who I am or recognize my talents.”

Sound familiar? I know I’ve heard it over and over in my life from friends, and if I’m honest, I’ve echoed the sentiment myself more times than I care to admit. But then,  about six years ago while I was taking a course with a remarkable woman I had grown to respect and love, she and I had an eye-opening discussion about a personal relationship that was causing me some frustration. As she began to challenge my answers, I became exasperated, and blurted out, “Maybe I’m just too compassionate. Could it be that’s the problem?”

Her response was immediate and firm. “There is no such thing as too much compassion, Christina.  However, giving away your personal power in the name of compassion is a big problem.” The truth of her words hit me hard, because she was right, and I knew it. That revelation set me on a whole new course of thinking.

So, first of all, for those that don’t understand the concept of personal power, I’d like to share an article from Psychology Today that explains that our personal power is based on the strength, confidence, and competence that each of us gradually acquires in the course of our growth. It is also self-assertion, and a natural, healthy striving for love, satisfaction, and meaning in our life.

I have a question for you. Do you believe you recognize when you are handing over your personal power to a family member, a co-worker or anyone else in your life? I know for me, the concept was […]

By |November 13th, 2018|Blog|

You Can Change Your Life! But How?

Not long ago, I was sitting in seat 15A on a small jet on a runway in Portland, Oregon waiting for takeoff. Only moments before the door closed, a woman dressed in a business suit hurried down the aisle and sat down next to me. We exchanged pleasantries as she got herself settled, and while the plane was taxiing down the runway, she asked what I did for work.

“What’s your book about?” she asked after I confided about the project I was working on with my friend entitled Let My Legacy Be Love. However, as I described how sharing my personal stories of tracing adult issues to childhood hurts had profoundly changed my life, her expression pulled into a deep frown. “That all sounds very nice, Christina, but do you share your analysis of your stories?” I was more than a little excited when I answered, “As a matter of fact, sharing my analysis in the form of a ‘discovery’ after each story is the point of the book!”

I’m analytical by nature, so I enjoy considering the events of my life. Yet I have been cautioned that I shouldn’t look back; that I should leave the past in the past because the future is a brave new world filled with opportunity. I agree with that, but I also believe that we can learn from our mistakes.

Many people believe that the past is scary; that it’s a shadowy place filled with disappointments, hurts and heartbreak as well as events and experiences that cannot be undone. Yet at the same time, those same people may unknowingly carry those shadows along in a myriad of forms. For instance, recently a friend shared the story of a difficult relationship with her sister. As we chatted, […]

By |November 6th, 2018|Blog|

Let’s Talk About Being Fearless

Let’s face it; being fearless sounds like a tall order.  This can be a big scary world!  And being fearless can mean many different things to different people.  I thought it would be fun to take a look at how being fearless starts with the little things in life.

I can’t tell you how many times I have avoided getting on the scale when I’ve had a week of not sticking to my fitness goals.  Those red numbers flashing from zero to reality can be terrifying!  All kidding aside, though, if I avoid stepping on the scale, for me, I’m not being true to the goal of taking care of my physical body.

I want to be clear on a point, though; I am not advocating being a slave to the scale. I’m also not advocating getting crazy over weight.  I’m on the short side so I have to be careful about what I eat and drink because it can pack on the pounds easily.   I generally step on it about once a month because it keeps me honest.  And standing on that scale is a place where I am not fearless!

We all have things that strike fear into our hearts and maybe hold us back. Some people are afraid to try new foods.  Others are fearful of being in a social situation where they are uncomfortable.  Some are terrified to fly.  I used to be all of the above.  I learned that it takes time and attention to get past these fears so I can live a fearless life.  What I’ve also learned is that awareness is 50% of the battle.

I’d like to share a story with you.

Some time ago, I moved to an area where I didn’t know a soul.  It was complicated by the fact that we moved out […]

By |August 25th, 2015|Blog|

What is I Am Fearlessly Me?

By |July 15th, 2015|Videos|